You don't have asthma, your pregnant
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
