1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize