he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
