You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I touched a dick in church today
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
