i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
