I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
