Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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