So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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