Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
