You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
