got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
