maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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