Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
