can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
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