Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
