god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
