I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize