Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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