i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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