Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize