he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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