I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
