I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
