Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
