the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
