You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
