Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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