So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
