By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
