i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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