Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
