I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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