there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
