with your own penis?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
