Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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