You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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