so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
