I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
