Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize