It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
