Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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