Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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