bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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