i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
