Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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