that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
