How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
