covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
