You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
