I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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