She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
