chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
