I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
zippers are such a cool invention
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
