there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
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