is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
