i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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