plz talk dirty to me
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
