i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
