I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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