We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
