I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
