I seem to have left my pride at pride
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
