dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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