Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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