Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
