how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
