Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
