So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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