Im at strip club and am horny
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
